Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
