He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
