She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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