I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
