Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
