im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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