so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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