Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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