I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
