dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
