I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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