its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
