Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
