I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it because I queefed?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
