I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My feet surprised me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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