He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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