So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
pray to the hookup gods
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
