I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
