You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize