U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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