Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
