I think my vagina is haunted
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
