Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize