i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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