I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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