make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
