So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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