Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
