There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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