well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
