Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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