just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
