sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
