she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize