Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
