I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize