If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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