i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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