dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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