I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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