You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish I only lived at night.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
