Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
