dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
