im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
