Betty ford says i'm here all night
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
