Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
