what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize