The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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