Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
