I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
cat food counts as protein by the way
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
