I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
