she kept yelling 'call me bella'
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
