drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
