paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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