Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
