do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
