Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
