So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
