that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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