I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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