Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
