I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
