i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my being single is dangerous.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize