That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
