I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
