Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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