I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
