I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
