hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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