she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
